Baptism

One of the hardest things for me to do in life is to trust God completely. There’s always a part of me that wants to hold back; that isn’t sure trusting God is the best option available even though I’ve been told a countless number of times that God will never let me down. I believe that is true, but there are so many times when I forget about it.
Right now I am experiencing one of those times of forgetfulness. I am getting baptized in a few days, but I’m not at all excited about it. In my mind, baptism has never stood out as something incredibly important for me to do. I’ve grown up in a Christian home with a Christian family at a Christian school, so making a public declaration of faith never seemed like a practical use of time. The only reason I am getting baptized at all is because I feel that, as a believer, I am supposed to as baptism is something God wants us to do. After all, even Jesus himself was baptized.
When I spoke with my mom about my concerns, she told me that she thought my concerns showed I was living out my faith. As Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” I’m not sure if she’s correct or not, but I do know one thing for sure: my hope is in God, and I want to have confidence in him and what he tells me to do. However, even with all this in mind, I can’t bring myself to relax.
Colossians 2:11-13 makes it clear that baptism is a symbol of us dying with Christ and being resurrected with him [“In him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead. And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses”]. That passage shows how important baptism is in general, but I can’t wrap my mind around what that means specifically for me. I really want my baptism to mean more than just proclaiming my faith to my Christian associates. It seems like baptism is supposed to be an important step in maturing in faith, but I can’t convince myself that it makes any difference at all.
I am trying to trust that God will give me wisdom to understand the importance of baptism if that’s what I need, but I can’t help worrying about what I don’t comprehend while I wait for understanding. For all I know, I’ll never be taught why baptism is so important to Christianity, but I hope to figure it out someday soon (preferably before I actually get baptized).
End of book quote: “There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler’s mind.” —So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish by Douglas Adams