After some extensive research (less than a minute of skimming a Wikipedia article) I mostly discovered that fortune cookies did not come from China. Apparently, no one really knows for sure where they came from but the arrows point back to Japan or some Japanese man who wanted some new way to gain money.

I’ve always wondered deep within the frightening recesses of my mind if writing fortune cookies would be an enjoyable job to have. Do I know the answer to that now? Nope, not a clue. Do I actually want to know the answer? …Probably not. However, I do wonder who they actually have creating the fortunes that so many people receive because some fortunes are truly awful.

Let me give some examples:

1)”Luck is the by-product of busting your fanny.” Now I don’t know about anyone else, but the end part of that really destroys any poetic potential that that fortune might have had without it.

2)”Modesty is the art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.” Once again, not really sure I would want anyone to tell any child of mine something like that.

3)”I am a bad luck person since I was born.” …What does that even mean?!

4)”Do not upset the penguin today.” Again…not really sure what the message here is.

5)”I think you ate your fortune while you were eating your cookie.” Now they’re just getting dumb.

6)”Warning, do not eat your fortune.”

7)”I have a dream…time to go to bed.”

8)”An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly!”

9)”It’s tough to be fascinating.” …conceited much?

10)”You are about to become $8.95 poorer. ($6.95 if you had the buffet)”

And no, wonderful readers, I did not make any of those up.

So the next time you’re having a bad day, go grab a fortune cookie! Maybe you could gain some life-changing advice from it…but more likely you will end up with a warning not to upset a penguin.

“For the Baudelaire orphans–if indeed they were still orphans–the shelter of Count Olaf’s trunk would have to do, until something better came along.” —The Hostile Hospital by Lemony Snicket