Some people prefer to call this day Valentine’s Day, but I thought I would go with the more probable option for most people at my age. In honor of the holiday, I would like to share a list of pick-up lines that are the reasons so many people are single and will be…forever:

  • Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems
  • If you were a booger I’d pick you first.
  • Life without you would be like a broken pencil…pointless.
  • Hey, I didn’t know angels flew so low.
  • You say “You look just like my first wife” She says “How many times have you been married?” You say “never”.
  • “Fat penguin” (What!?) “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”
  • I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
  • You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
  • There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.
  • My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
  • I bet you $20 you’re gonna turn me down.
  • Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!
  • I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
  • Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
  • Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
  • I’m sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.
  • Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on Earth!
  • I’m not trying to impress you or anything, but… I’m Batman!
For the Harry Potter obsessed:
  • My love for you burns like a dying phoenix.
  • Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind-blowing?
And don’t forget the Star Trek fans:
  • How ’bout I slip into something more comfortable… like these STAR TREK VOYAGER pajamas!
  • Tell me of this thing you humans call (pause) love.

Take my advice and never use any of these on an actual girl (or guy) because you will be punched (or laughed at).

“They stood together in the moonlight, and kept waving, even when Bruce shut the doors of the van, even as the van drove past snake-shaped hedges and down the driveway to Lousy Lane, and even when it turned a corner and disappeared into the dark.” —The Reptile Room by Lemony Snicket